Brexit from a Pathfinders point of view.

I sit here on this beautiful summers morning with trouble in my heart. Being a Friday I was up at 0515hrs getting ready for my weekly BNI meeting. After an amazing day launching Points of You in Yorkshire, seeing people from all different cultures and backgrounds join together to open their hearts and minds to explore the undiscovered. I awoke to a barrage of news and passionate conversations about our exit from the European Union, all ranging from the elated to the terrified. So here I am, sitting down to tell you my experience and thoughts on the past few weeks and what is in store for our amazing country.

For months I have trawled the internet researching Brexit, listening to both sides with an open heart. But before I tell you about my voting experience, let me tell you about who I am.

I am a 42 year old, proud Yorkshire and British family man who owns his own business. I have lived my life from varying perspectives. In my youth I was a confused, abused and aggressive, my late teens and early twenties were spent in the armed forces, my late twenties involved some very unsavoury characters and some behaviours, actions that I would rather forget, living rough and making money by ANY means. At the age of thirty, my life changed I got married, had children and made the decision to devote myself to having a positive impact on the world and to discover my authentic self. I am proud to say that my life now is a very different place, I am with a woman who lights up my every day, smothers the world in love and kindness and makes a difference every day. I have amazing children who are following in her footsteps, forging their way in the world with kindness and authenticity and I own a successful business that specialises in helping others to develop and grow. I am a very lucky man indeed and I am grateful to the universe every single day.

So now you know a little about me, let me give you Brexit from my point of view.

From day one I was in the vote out camp. In my eyes, the worst thing that you can do with an English person is TELL them what to do! Instead, just give them all the facts and let us do what we do best. Remain calm, take emotion out of the equation and explore the possibilities. So everyone telling us to stay in Europe or else, was like red wrag to a bull and brought out my patriotic side. Lets take back control of our country, trade on our own terms, help those in need, defend the weak and build a country for the world to aspire to. To be honest I was reminded of the speech that Hugh Grant makes as the Priminister in Love Actually:

"I fear that this has become a bad relationship. A relationship based on the President taking exactly what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm... Britain. We may be a small country but we're a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot, come to that. And a friend who bullies us is no longer a friend. And since bullies only respond to strength, from now onward, I will be prepared to be much stronger. And the President should be prepared for that."

I was out, without hesitation!

Social media was erupting from all angles, right wing extremists focusing on immigration, other focusing on the politics or the economy and many more, all TELLING everyone else they are wrong. People who I know to be beautiful and kind shouting and screaming calling the other side, stupid, thick, ignorant for disagreeing. Campaigns of hatred  and fear splattered all over the media effecting the whole countries energy and attitude. I could feel it everywhere, aggression and confusion getting to even the most grounded of people. I felt sick... our country was turning in on its self.

But I remained in the 'out' camp. I knew that my decision was not based on racist views on immigration, or focused on greed and that all those who knew me understood that.

On June 23rd at 10am, I collected my voting slip and entered the booth. I picked up the pencil and just as I was about to pop my x in the out box... I stopped.

My heart kicked in... I have spent the last 12 years trying to have a positive impact on the world. To help people see the need for equality, generosity and kindness in the world, I have spent years building a business brand that encapsulates these beliefs. I asked myself one question before I made my mark... could I count on the government of this country to make the right choices? What would happen if we no longer had EU laws to govern our relationships and right wing nationalists had control?

Without any further hesitation, I put my x in the box marked IN.

It is not the EU that is causing our problems, it is our own government. If David Cameron is a EU puppet, that is because he allows himself to be. Once we have a government that is on point and has the backbone to negotiate hard for our rights, we have the opportunity to shape the EU by working together to improve it. But we do not, we are governed by a government driven by greed and it may be some time before it is any different.

This morning when I heard the news that we had voted out, I was a mixture of emotion and still am. The only thing that comforted me was the fact that it was over, the decision was made and what will be will be, but one thing is for sure. Our country can only be strong if we stand up for our beliefs with love and an open heart, if we really want positive change, it starts within. It is the responsibility of us all to create a country to be proud of. Spreading discord through our social media by sharing our fears and anger towards others only increases the energy. So before you share your worries with the world, or your hatred for others with a different perspective. Take a moment to think!

Our personal impact on the world is the only true thing that we have full control over, so why not make it a positive one? Our interaction with a single person has the potential to effect another 1000 people, imagine what a Facebook posting quoting your fear for our children and the future of our economy can do if it reaches 100 people, or if it is shared and reaches 1000!!!

It is not our government that is responsible for our children's future, it is us. Our children will not learn to behave from watching Nigel Farage, they will learn from how they see their parents behave. If you want your child to live without fear or hatred then you have to show them the way.

To finish I want to return to Love Actually:

 

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around."

Life as UK's leading Points of You trainer

So there I was, sitting in the back garden writing up notes from a coaching session , when there is a knock on the door.

"Delivery for Jamie Illingworth?"

I wasn't expecting anything?? I definitely was not expecting a small box from Tel-a-viv!
I said thank you and took the box back into the garden and sat down at the table, curious to say the least. I opened the box and there it was, my first Points of You Tool.

Only moments before I had been asking myself "What makes me different from any other coach?" trying to figure out what the future looked like for our business. Little did I know at that time but the answer had just been delivered to me... literally!

From that moment on, I knew what I was going to do, and some months later I left the shores of Blighty and headed for the dizzy heights of New York to become Britain's only Certified Trainer. My experience of the program can be found in my previous blog, here is the Link if you want explore more.

Being a Points of You Certified Trainer has changed my life and my business. I know that is a big statement, but it truly has. Before it came along I was just one of thousands of people trying to make a living from 'Coaching', most of them amazing people in their own right and trying to do something different. So here I am, using a coaching method that before now has never been formally introduced to the UK. It has the reputation of being used in 147 other countries and is the preferred coaching tool for organisations such as:

So convincing people that it adds value is simple, you just give them an experience and let the processes speak for themselves! 

The best part for me is the 'lightbulb' moments. When you coach normally you are asking questions to assist thinking, so you effectively lead the process. With tools like The Coaching Game, all you are doing is teaching people how to view an image or a word. The process combined with the tools has an amazing way of unlocking thinking to allow you to explore your own insights and challenge your automatic responses. The results are amazing to see.

To witness the moment when someone explores something and reaches a point of clarity is a real privilege and I give thanks every day for the opportunity.

 I visited the Lake District a few weeks ago to give a well-established L&D consultancy an experience of Points of You. They took part in a 5 card team development process which they absolutely loved. For 45 minutes they talked about the cards they had chosen and what they meant to their team, not only were they interested in adopting the tool, but had two leadership programmes that they could slot it into straight away. Working with organisations to help ingrain the tools into their professional processes always amazes me, the different ways that HR and L&D professionals can adapt the tools to work in interviews, 1-2-1's and feedback models seems never ending and I learn something new every day.

My goal now is to spread the word, not because I want to make money (although we all have bills to pay!), but because I want to offer as many people as possible the opportunity to explore life’s challenges in a way that is in obtrusive and easy to use. It's all about paying forward, giving people the opportunity to do something for themselves.

So now I am growing my business and Points of You gets its official UK launch on the 23rd June (referendum day!) at Healds Hall Hotel in Liversedge, West Yorkshire and residential Train the Trainer programmes are in the diary starting in July. The future is bright for Purple Pebble People and Points of You and as more and more people become aware of our tools, the more certain I become that what I do for a living really does add value to the world.

A Journey of Points Of You

It was a warm October afternoon when I stepped on to the tarmac at JFK and my heart was beating unusually fast. I had never been to New York before, actually I had never been overseas on my own before! I have travelled all over the world with family and friends but never alone, this was a different perspective altogether. This time I had only to worry about myself, which was easy enough as I am a pretty street smart and can look after myself, so this was all about just relaxing, having some fun and learning new skills.

 Passport control was pretty much as I expected, quiet, busy but quick and efficient, and I was through in no time at all. A quick visit to the luggage carousel, a walk through customs and before you know it, you are stood outside the airport looking at Yellow Taxi's and breathing in cigarette smoke. I find the Bus to Grand Central Station NYC, buy my ticket, hand over my bags and get on board. The outside of the bus is covered in advertising and branding, meaning that once you are inside you cannot really see out. It was like looking through a window covered in small wire mesh. My hopes of seeing the New York skyline as we approached were well and truly scuppered. Time for a Dream Break, I slept for about half an hour and woke up just as we entered the city. The time was 1630 (2030 in the UK) so the dream break was just what I needed. "GRAND CENTRAL NEXT STOP" I stepped off the bus at the side of Grand Central Station, It was like walking into a movie, people everywhere, steam coming up through the pavements, everything was moving so fast it was hard to take it in. Remember the scene in any movie about some going to NY for the first time, and the way the person always stops on the last step and looks out the door? that was me. I stepped onto the sidewalk, grabbed my bags from the driver and ducked into a door way to get myself organised. I rolled a cigarette (much to the amazement to passers buy!) popped in in my mouth, flared my lighter  to life and took a deep pull, my first one in eight hrs and as the nicotine entered my bloodstream, I felt myself relax in that oh so familiar way. I blow out, my smoke watching intently as it disappeared into the steam from a vent, and look around.

 

I had booked myself into a hotel on W51st and had studied the map numerous times over the last few months. Perfect I knew exactly where I was and where I needed to be. I grabbed my luggage, took a confident step into the flow of people and started to walk. This was easy, just like walking down Oxford Street on a busy day. I walked at my usual pace and found myself getting ahead of the crowd, meaning that I could lift my head and look around a little as I walked. Wow...this place is huge, towers of commercialism reach into the blue all around you, the sun shimmering of the glass. I lower my head and find a place to stop for a moment to take a picture and take it all in. I had the afternoon and the evening to enjoy being here before I head up the Hudson River to Ossining for my training...


 I spent the rest of the day doing the whole tourist thing, shopping for presents, gazing around and taking photos. I had something to eat in a typical Irish American pub, along with a couple of pints to help me get to sleep and got an early night. The time difference was rapidly catching up on me and I seriously needed to sleep if I was going to be on the ball the next morning.

 I woke at about 0630 the next morning, had a quick shower, checked out and went to grab some breakfast. I picked a good looking diner, sat at the counter and ordered my bacon and eggs from the friendly Old Italian guy behind the counter (loving every minute). He filled my coffee cup, gave me a glass of water and a friendly comment before returned to his work, doing the same for everyone at the counter. I ate quickly, drank down the last of my coffee popped $10 on the counter and left with a wave of thanks to the guy behind the counter. Grand Central was a 30 minute walk away and I need to be in Ossining by 1100.

If stepping off the bus felt like stepping into a sitcom, walking into Grand Central was like walking into a thousand iconic movies at the same time. Everything I do feels like a scene from a movie, booking into my hotel, eating breakfast, buying a train ticket, surreal just doesn't quite explain it.

I find my train, take a seat and get ready for my 45 minute journey up the Hudson River. Time to get my head around the training and the experience I am about to go through...

 Points of You had come into my life eight months previously, my wife had come across them at work and bought me "The Coaching Game ". I loved it from the moment that I received it, started using it almost every day by myself and then later started using it with clients during coaching sessions. Each time I used it, I marvelled at the way it helped you to see things from a different angles.  Over the coming months my relationship with Points Of You grew, I attended on line training session and workshops, had Skype conversations with members of staff about how I was using it and finding out what other tools they had. One day I received an e-mail form them informing me that they were holding a certificated trainer programme in New York in October. So, I had a conversation with my soon wife to be and we decided that I should go. It was a great opportunity for our business as no one was a certified trainer here in the UK, it would also be great for me on a personal development basis as the programme contained a large amount of coaching. I was eager to say the least.

I arrived in Ossining at 1000 and jumped in a taxi to take me to my home for the next 5 days. Bailey Farm was 3 miles out of the town was some of the most beautiful country side I have ever seen (not including Yorkshire, of course!). Trees of every colour, houses and picket fences of brilliant white, the lush green of the grass, everything stood out in its own perfect grandeur. Before I knew it we were driving down the driveway of Bailey Farms. I felt the hairs on my arms stand up and my soul scream with joy at the sight that greeted me. I paid the Taxi driver and was greeted at the door by sunshine… literally, they joyous, very lovely lady who greeted us was called “Sunshine”. I she absolutely lived up to her name, a friendly person with cheery outlook you do not often meet. She showed me around a little and very proudly answered all my geeky questions about the history of the place, showing the old hayloft and stables. Had been given a room in a separate building to this one, so I grabbed my bags and followed her outside. She said it was a short walk through the grounds to my room, but as I had luggage she would drive me round. It was a short trip up the road which lasted about two minutes and she pulled the car into the driveway of another house. I thanked Sunshine and told her I would walk back to the house once I had unpacked and freshened up.

The temptation to lay on the bed for 5 minutes was very alluring, but I knew that if I did, it would not be just a quick nap. I knew I just needed to keep going, even though my jet lag was starting to kick in. A shower, change of clothes, something to eat and a glass of water and I knew I would be back in the moment. I grabbed a glass of water from the cooler downstairs and then went to take a shower, 20 minutes later I was walking out the door on the hunt for food. Sunshine had pointed out the way back to the farm. “Just follow the pond on your left

hand side and it will take you to the side of the farm, you will find your way.” She said in her normal cheery way. So I stepped off the porch, sparing a glance for the too rocking chairs on the porch, I walked on the path Sunshine had showed me and walked down the small hill. The pond that she had mentioned in her direction stood for everyone to see…

I stopped to take it all in, the colour of the tree’s the way that they reflected in the water. The gentle calmness of the air and the way that the tension in my shoulders was starting to fade away, the easiness of breath.  I continued to walk after a short pause to compose myself for the start of my training with Points of You. I knew that one of the founders of the company Effrat Shani, but I had never met or spoken to her before so did not know what to expect.

I walked into the social area of Bailey Farm to find people from all over the world, Israel, Costa Rica, Mexico, Canada, America and of course UK (me!). The greeting was warm and friendly, what did I expect? These were all people from my field of expertise, coaches, psychologists, mothers and fathers, of course they would be lovely people. I spied sandwiches and muffins on the table and moved with intent. I was halfway through my second sandwich when Effrat appeared from a door in the corner of the room and asked us to enter… the journey begins!

The room was cladded on all side with oak panelling befitting the buildings heritage, the room had been set out with 16 chairs in a circle, all facing inwards, with Effrat and her co facilitator Povilas sat side by side. The room had a faint scent of Sage hanging in the air and in the centre of the circle was a circle of Points of You cards, all face down showing only the logo, in the centre of that was an ornate flower decoration with a candle in the centre.

I cannot tell you too much detail about the next five days, as everything on the programme is under coaching confidentiality, but here is what I can tell you.

Points of you is the brain child of Effrat Shani and Yoran Golan and was inspired by the film "Pay it forward". The Coaching Game was the first product to be created by these two amazing people and since it's birth in 2006 has spread to 147 countries and been translated into 6 different languages. The concept of Points of You is to allow people the opportunity to take a "Pause" from their daily routine. Effrat explains it like this "Pausing isn't easy. In everyday life we constantly rush to fulfil all our roles, yet there's one role that we tend to neglect - being me, getting together with myself. Pausing is an excellent opportunity to get acquainted with ourselves and in addition - every process of internal work begins by making the choice to pause, conduct an intimate meeting with ourselves and take the opportunity to introspect. Sometimes life forces us to take a pause whether we like it or not, the death of a relative, illness, a farewell, economic crises or even any major change in our lives. However, we can make a conscious choice to pause, breathe and ask - How am I doing.
Although it may sound like meditation and is not directly involve using the products, the pausing process allows us to peel off our external layers, listen and take a look at ourselves, away from the automatic patterns that compose our daily routine." Wise words!

The products work by combining traditional coaching techniques with photo therapy. By using both words and pictures we engage both sides of the brain at the same time, the creative and the intellect. By pausing to clear our filters and observing what we see and feel through the  images and words, our mind takes on a different perspective allowing you to see subjects, issues from a different point of view. Looking at the issues concerning us with fresh eyes opens lots of doors and brings to the surface thoughts and feelings that are usually locked away in our subconscious. Once these doors are unlocked, new approaches and understandings can be formed and solutions can be found. In effect, when you use the products, you learn how to self coach, how to overcome your own barriers, how to ask yourself those all so insightful questions through the power of image and word.

Over the next five days, each member of the programme went through their own journey of discovery. Using the products to uncover hidden feelings and behaviours which up to now, was hidden from them. To say that we all went on a personal journey alongside our professional one. would be an understatement. The personal growth and increased focus I gained was amazing.

After five days of self discovery, it was time to head home. I noticed as I boarded the train to take me to Grand Central that the world seemed a very different place. I was more tolerant of people, I noticed more of what was going on around me. Every leaf that fell from a tree, every bird that flew overhead, every colour and every sound was magnified and I saw them through very different eyes. My journey back to the UK seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it I was getting off the train in Huddersfield.

Over the past two weeks, as with everything, life has started to take over and although I still see things very differently, the usual routines and roles have returned. Some changes have stayed with me though, I still take time to pause everyday and take time not to react to situations, but to try and see them from a different point of view. I feel more confident, more organised and more together than I have ever felt in my entire life, and when something comes up, I just pull out my Coaching Game and work through it.

The quote John Lennon..."Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."

Take a pause, look at life from a different Point of You and make a choice to do things differently.
 

To find out more about Points of You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiNqUKEuWm0

 

 

Judgement Day

It takes the average person 7 seconds to make a judgement on someone they are meeting for the first time!!

Think about it, when you meet someone for the first time, what goes through your head? If I am being totally honest, it's usually what they are wearing and there accent/language that gets me first. I can't say that I am proud of it, but if i meet someone wearing jogging bottoms, a hoody, Rockport boots and speaking in a Jamaican accent when they are clearly white! Well, let's just say I keep my wits about me. Likewise, when I meet someone who is wearing a Saville row suit, Italian shoes and speaks like an Etonian. Well, let's just say I keep my wits about me. All these things I notice in the first 7 seconds, without thought or consciousness I immediately judge and that judgement is responsible for my attitude towards that person. Obviously, after spending time with someone your perceptions of who they are change. I have been with my wife for 6 years and I am still finding out new things that alter my perception (all good things by the way!). Even if we cannot see the person we are talking to, we still make a snap judgement. When we talk to someone on the phone for the first time we make judgements on their voice, the background noise, weather they sound friendly, we even start to build a picture in our head of what they might look like.

And it carries on..... we get up and we make judgements on people based on our own values, beliefs and experience, especially as a parent. I am constantly judging my 16 year old daughter, telling her what she should and shouldn't do and why. Thinking people will presume she is easy if she goes out in a short skirt, skimpy top and lots of make up and making her get changed. Who am I to say what she should and shouldn't do? Yes, it is my job to nurture her, but judging and dictating is wrong. By behaving this way I stop her own personal growth and raise her to live my life, with my beliefs, not to develop her own based on her own experience. Our judgements are based on our perceptions of another persons reality. The reality for my daughter is that what she wears is in fashion and she has only been wearing makeup for a couple of years and is still experimenting. The guy I met earlier in the hoody and jogging pants, could be a  high performing A level student who last year earned £45000 from his own You tube channel. How would I know?!

Take a look at this image and think about how you judge this person?

What are your thoughts on who this person is and what values they have?

I saw this picture for the first time whilst putting together a presentation about not judging by appearance for a class of 9 year old's. When I asked them what they thought, their answers included angry, violent, scary, fighting, poor and black.

I then showed them another picture of this person, and asked them their thoughts.

They instantly new who this was, Nelson Mandela. When I asked them what they thought about this picture there answers included happy, old, friendly and good fun.


Why am I saying all this????

Well, how many times each day do you judge people? How many times do you judge people because of their gender? come on.....be honest with yourself and truly think about it. Its only when you sit and reflect on your behaviour that you start to identify how many times you do it.

The world is a mixed up place, war, famine, religion all play a part in shaping our views of the people we meet. Stopping ourselves from judging people is one of the hardest things to do, we have been programmed by society since the day that we were born to think a certain way, usually according to our gender. As a child the world is a place of wonder, a world without constraint, if you want to be superman you just simple believe it to be true. A child does not understand equal pay for equal work as they have no understanding of treating people differently. It is the parents and the world around them that teaches these beliefs.

Osho Zen said "If you drop knowledge and within knowledge everything is included, your name, your identity, everything, because this has been given to you by others. If you drop all that has been given to you by others, you will have a totally different quality to your being...Innocence,"

Forget everything you have been taught by others/society and see things through your child eyes. If I had never seen anyone or heard any stories of women being abused, then I would not know that existed and would treat them solely as another human being. If I was not told that men are the stronger sex, then every individual would be judged on their own capability. If I was not told that people wearing hoodies and jogging bottoms were poor or lazy, then I would just see someone who chooses to wear those clothes. How great would that world be?

So......my advice is this, stop watching the news, stop reading gossip magazines and stop letting peoples opinion's get in the way of you making your own choices about what you believe. Raise your children to think for themselves and do not let your childhood or your experience colour their judgement. Instead, encourage them to be authentic, ask them how they view the world and do not correct them, listen and learn how to be innocent again.

If we can all do this then maybe, just maybe, we can make the world a better place to live.

Right then guys, it's time to take a stand and say "No more!!"

It has been 2 years since I first started my business as a dating and relationship coach. In the beginning I believed that I had all the skills and knowledge needed to be a success in this field, I had large amounts of dating and relationship experience and had been working in the L&D sector for a number of years both as a facilitator and a coach. I had been interested in feminine and masculine energy for some time and had researched as much as possible as to how the balance effected relationships.  Being an advocate for chivalry in this modern age and hearing from my clients how "Chivalry was dead!" I decided to do some digging to see if they right. At first I started to agree with them. It was dead, men had lost interest in masculinity because they had been punished for so long by the feminist movement. I believed that if women helped to empower men and allowed themselves to settle into their feminine energy, everything could improve (how naive) men would feel more masculine and be open to once again being more gentlemanly.

What I have discovered is so much more complicated than what I originally believed.

Six weeks ago I read a book called 11 minutes by Paulo Coehlo, The book is based around one woman's journey through prostitution. Whilst I have always loved women, as with most men, I had never really tried to understand what life as a woman was all about. Coming away from the book I wanted and needed to find out more, researching amazing women like Mata Hari, Eleanor of Aquitaine and Cleopatra. Two weeks before my summer holiday with the family, I was walking around a book store looking for something to read by the pool when I came across a book:

A Call To Action, women, religion, violence and power.
President Jimmy Carter

Up until this point, I considered myself pretty well educated in women's rights, being raised by three women and being married to a highly professional woman, I thought gave me a rare perspective. This book taught me very quickly that I knew very little. It absolutely blew me away and I have to say, made me ashamed to be a man. The statistics were gut wrenchingly awful, for example: In 2011 95% of all women in the US military had been sexually abused!! 95%!!! that's ridiculous "how can they let this happen" I think to myself.
In 2015 1 in 1700 women had reported being raped ( and that just the ones reported) again how could the United States government, the largest power in the world be letting this happen??
We would not stand for this in the UK!!.....or would we??
Well, you will be sad to hear that we are not too far behind.
 In 2014/15 1 in 2040 women reported being raped.
It is reported that in the UK on average 10-15 girls under 16 are sold into sexual slavery every month, whilst they might not be huge numbers, it is still not acceptable.

The book is relentless and throws painful punch after punch of hard hitting facts about sexual equality and the abuse of women. I finished the book sickened to my stomach about what I had learned and decided to do something about it. I did not want my daughter/grand daughters growing up in a world where they were punished because of their sexuality. Jimmy Carter was right when he said that the only way forward in stopping these horrific crimes is for men to take a stand, stand up for your daughters and put a stop to this behaviour.

I used to pride myself on my knowledge of how to treat the opposite sex and I was a champion of old world chivalry. I now realise that chivalry needs to go through a much needed change, let us stop focusing on the petty stuff, who should open the door and who should pay the bill. Let's focus on bigger fish, equal pay for equal work, getting more women into government and putting a stop to violence against women. Women have done a fantastic job of standing up and saying "No More!" it is now our turn as men, to reclaim our masculinity and stand up for what is right. Make a stand when you learn that a female employee is getting paid less than her mail counterpart, stand up when you here a woman being bullied because of her sex, but most importantly, raise you son's to be aware of sexual equality and that all human kind should be treated equally regardless of gender or race. Raise your son's to understand chivalry, educate them, help them to understand that the way women are treated on TV and in Movies, is not how you should treat them in real life.

I have decided to dedicate myself to learning more about sexual equality and what I can do to help. I will keep you up to date on my journey and my experiences as I go along.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or comments.

Shield Maidens & the Knights that stand beside them

Since the dawn of time there have been stories of Shield Maidens, Cleopatra, Boudicca and Eleanor of Aquitaine to name but a few. Women of great beauty who wielded their masculine energy like an axe, not accepting the roles that constrained the other women of their times. Boudica for instance stood up, claimed the crown of the Iceni tribe and led them into battle against the Romans upon her husbands death. Perhaps the first true Shield maiden of history, a beautiful, elegant and caring mother who would don her armour and ride into battle beside her Knights, equal, respected and to be feared.

For centuries women like Boudica fought for their rightful place in society. In 1918 a Shield Maiden under the name of Emmeline Pankhurst donned her armour and fought for womens right to vote. A major leap forward for the world and it heralded a change that would take place over 100 years. In the 1970's Shield Maidens all over the world donned their armour and went to battle. The battle for sexual equality was well and truly on. Ranks upon ranks of Knights who had held their positions for hundreds of years bowed under the shear force of will produced by the attacking forces, thousands of Shield Maidens fell during battle, their will broken they returned to their lives of servitude. But still the onslaught came, until finally the wall of Knights faltered and broke to let the enemy through. onwards they surged, into board rooms and governments all over the world. Shattering the silence and creating chaos in the world of men.

Since the 1970's and the great war of the sex's, Knights and Shield Maidens have been trying to co-exist peacefully and to this day the true terms of the treaty are not clear. Women had not been challengers for the crown when this treaty was signed and Knights had no knowledge of how to exist alongside them. Their whole life they had been tought that women were beautiful, delicate creatures who should be worshipped, protected and provided for. They were now seeing a very different woman and all previous knowledge seemed useless, how could they stand up and fight against these frail creatures....

The problem layed in the boundries of sexual energy. For a Shield Maiden to don her armour takes a high concentration of masculine energy and a decrease of feminine energy. Both energies are present in both sex's and can be increased and decreased at will using our attitude and environment. For instance, if you place someone who is naturally high in feminine energy into a highly competitive environment for a prolonged period, their masculine energy will increase. If you place someone with naturally high masculine energy into a highly nurturing environment for a prolonged period, the opposite will happen and their feminine energy will increase. The solution lais in the balance of these energies. Previously a successful relationship was based on the theory of "opposites attract", "men were men and women were women", and to a certain extent this is still the case. Shield Maidens although they are highly competitive and independent still in their heart of hearts want their men to be the knights of old, and Knights still long for their damsel in distress. But their is an acceptance that needs to be understood in order for the war to truly end. Both sex's are only truly happy when they are in their natural energy, they may be happy to fluctuate in energy but in their moments of true authenticity, they are settled in their natural level.

A successful relationship is reached by each side accepting the needs of the other. If your Shield Maiden returns from battle, she needs to be revered for her efforts in the field and cared for until her lust for battle diminishes. This allows her feminine energy to increase so that she may enter her natural state. If your Knight has been caring for your family all day, he needs to be praised for his efforts and a job well done, on completion of his mission, he will naturally increase his masculine energy and give him the confidence to be the Knight he was born to be.

I believe that the true terms for the treaty can be found in history and legend. In a world were people were judged on their actions and not by their gender, there was a code named Chivalry.

Chivalry is a code on conduct, and as we are now all equals, capable of amazing acts of courage and hatred. If we all adopt the same code then maybe we can end the war and all stand shoulder to shoulder on the front line of life.

Fair Play

Never attack an unarmed foe

Never charge an unhorsed apponent

Never attack from behind

Avoid cheating

Avoid torture

 

Nobility

Exhibit self discipline

Accept kindness

Show gratitude

Obey the law

Take a stand for justice

Protect the innocent

Respect everyone equally

Respect all life

 

Valour

Exhibit courage in word and deed

Defend the weak and the innocent

Fight with honour

Never abandon a friend or noble cause

 

Honor

Always keep one's word

Always maintain one's principles

Never betray a confidence or a comrade

Avoid deception

Respect all life

 

Courtesy

Exhibit manners

Be polite and attentive

Be respectful of host and all gender

Accept others beliefs

Avoid judgement

 

Loyalty

To the code of chivalry

What if???

This one is simple... To all of my clients, to all of my friends and family and to everyone who is finding things just a little bit harder than normal.
On the evening that I heard my mum had cancer, although they did not know how bad it was, I knew that she was going to leave us. I walked in to the garden and cried, cried with deep despair. What would I do without my mum to turn to, who else could know me as well as she did. I sat on the bench and let my tears come, I sobbed. After a moment or two I opened my eyes, still looking at the floor, my tears blurring my vision. On the old flag between my feet there were a series of scratches that resembled two letters.... IF.
Later when I had calmed down, I opened google and typed it in. It was top of the first page.I share it with you now, in the hope that my mum's final message to me, may inspire you to get up! Live your life with gratitude and thankfulness, to make every second count and most of all......Be Happy!

IF

 

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son! Rudyard Kipling